on being electric, fluid, and a ninja
I'm not letting the cables sleep. I am not letting currents pulse below the surface. I am not made of wires and circuits. I am not a robot.
I've been thinking in song lyrics again. I always do when these things happen.300 pound punk rock chicks with a Cyndi Lauper snarl can express my emotions better than I ever will. That's why she's on stage and I am not. Though I should be.
I convinced Sandra to come to abs class with us at the gym today. She did and afterwards we "walked." I love the walking dates still. Orlando even asked me across the shirtless men changing in the locker-room today "how was your walk?" It was quite revealing.
Sandra's reading a book about sex. Sexual Fluidity. She says "Intimacy is having the feeling of wanting to be with a person all the time, finding yourself missing them when not together, making a connection that goes deeper than desire, it’s a longing to be with that person since they bring something out in you that no one else does. An attraction like no other – not gender based." Hmmpf.
I was supposed to see Up on Saturday night. With Matty and Andrew and Darlene. But we screwed up and did not get tickets and ended up eating Chinese and Billy's and watching Paris is Burning. Jesse stopped me on 24th Street and hugged me, as we walked to Matthew's house, telling me it was just so obvious how happy I was. It was a moment that really touched me. That what I felt inside was just so visible on the outside.
Paris is Burning is sad and happy. It is inspirational and troubling. And it is a gay lesson of life. Most younger gays don't get it. And that is OK. We even made Shay watch it. And Matty and I ran around and kikied. We quoted and reminiscenced. Jesse sat entranced. And Shay and Andrew. They were polite. But not obsessed.
If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, then hooray for you. I've shot a few up there so far in my lifetime.
Georgi arrived after the show ended. Boo. But I took Matthew's dvd and vowed to show Georgi. To educate the youth. I had no intention of watching it the next day. But we did after walking the Highline and Georgi, like Jesse, was entranced. And that sealed the deal. He may be young, but he gets that. He gets it. He gets me. So much so that as I laid down on the floor this AM, arms and legs stretched, Georgi on one side and Sandra on the other, sandwiched between two of my four best friends (what I would do to have Mom and Eric in abs class too), and while cursing the abs instructor, I made Georgi laugh when I mimed a voguer. Sweaty in Nikes I channeled Willie Ninja for a hot second.
Not understanding Paris is Burning. Not, at the very least, appreciating it is a deal breaker. I am not exaggerating.
Eric Riley wrote me this morning. Saying it's quite lovely to watch.
It's even better to feel. Electric. Awake. In love.
