August 16, 2009

I've never been one to not rush into things. And with Georgi I did pace myself. Really. Obviously, the reality of my life at one time prevented rushing. And he and I became friends first and friends are what we've remained. Best friends. There was a natural ease to our friendship and love and it has unfolded and grown in sweet and lovely ways. Each petal unfolding like a tin flower.

Gay men like sex. This is a known fact. And most gay men I know have sex with their first dates. Often times we have sex and then go on dates with that person. Same thing as straights, just as Boy George once sang, in reverse. Regardless, we usually figure that compatibility out rather quickly. I am not going to talk about my sex life here, but I will say this, it too was not rushed this time around.

Wait. I guess I am writing about it.

What I am trying to say is that I decided to move in with Georgi. Or rather, I should say, we decided I'd move in. See it has been 2 months since I've even slept at my own charming little studio. I have some anxiety announcing this to those close to me. So in classic Shellhammer fashion I will write it for the world. Here. It's easier that way and in putting it out there people can think what they want. I just don't have to see their expressions. Though I know most, if not all, would be supportive.

There are still layers of hurt of discomfort and uneasiness concerning what has happened to me in the past year. But being just one soul, with one heart, a rather big one, but one, nonetheless, I can only do what I know/feel is right. And what is right for me now is being close to Georgi and sharing my life with him. So, there it is. I am not abiding by the rules many others feel they need in their life. Isn't it too soon? Didn't you just get your own place? Don't you want to not rush in? What most don't realize is that my/our feelings are so big that this wait was holding off. We simply cannot be apart. It's a rather joyous place to be.

Coincidentally, I am now living one city block from where I lived with my first boyfriend Louis in 1998. I am going to have fun decorating this place with Georgi and thankfully he is agreeable to my need for color. Watermelon pink lacquered desk? Sure thing.

He's still in Bulgaria. And I am still here. And I just saw District 9 with Orlando and it's made me think about love. The film, a wonderful piece of art, making action film high-brow, with animation so real I thought the creatures were indeed actors, with a lead performance Oscar worthy, with a deep sadness about the human experience and the ways of the world, but also with an optimism, a sense of hope, a belief in what makes the heart tick-tock, true love.

The ending scene of the film provided a lightness to my step walking home, even with my aching foot and knee. Thank you 33 years of age coupled with a 6 1/2 mile run. The body starting to show minor pulls and strain. But the heart is very much strong, even bigger and fitter, than it was a block away a decade ago. Imagine that.

The cherries I consumed in mass amounts have not been as sweet. The workouts have been much less intense. And my bed, our bed, has been way too firm. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. They say a lot of stupid things. This is my way of making flowers from cat food cans. And this is the doorstep I leave them on. For you, my love.