June 12, 2009

In the destruction of my life as I knew it. In the sadness that could consume even the strongest soul. I stood up and found my friends. I lost my partner. My best friend. My lover. But I found a lot too.

Embracing newness and change. It is exciting. But after, that excitement wanes. After the initial rush of altering your life's course. There, in the burnout, the afterglow fades, and it gets dark again. And alone.

Thank God for my loves.

And I am blessed. I am blessed by the grace that consumes my life. I am blessed to have a new best friend. I am blessed to have my old friends: from MD, DC, SF, LA, NYC.

My 33rd year alive was a rollercoaster.

I left a job I loved, a family there, and took on a new role with inspiring, yet unknown, people. Embracing change.

I saw the first black man elected president and I cried with joy that things can get better in this world. Embracing change.

I ended a relationship with a beautiful partner who I had truly grown up alongside. We're figuring out our next chapter. Embracing change.

I moved to my own apartment. And struggled (am struggling) with making ends meet and paying rent and mortgages simultaneously. Embracing change.

I dedicated hours upon hours to fitness. Ran many miles. Cycled like a madman. Ate fruits and vegetables and lean meats. Lost pounds and inches. Embracing change.

I fell in love again. Felt seventeen. Flirted with possibilities. Embracing change.

And on a trip that was supposed to be a bachelor party, and altered, to become, a sorta pre-birthday party, I arrived in the desert of Palm Springs. where I was showered with gifts, jewels, shows, friends, new and old, family, love. brotherhood, friendship. Love burning hot in 100 degrees. I am golden faced and golden hearted.

And today. I wake and smile. Giggle and sweat. Run and walk. Hear my mother's voice and swans from across the country and I sit smiling reading all these facebook messages and texts, blowing up my iPhone.

Hello world. Hello loves. Hello life. You're a pigsty. You're a definite mess.

But even in the filth. Even in the chaos, one thing remains: the unmistakable strength of love. It makes the world go round and it will save us from ourselves.